‘Tis the season for bobbing for apples, spiced cider, and trips to the pumpkin patch. And — most importantly — Halloween parties! Starting on October 1st, we’re putting Halloween music on a loop for the entire month, eating fun-sized candy bars every night, and planning the world’s best Marvel Halloween party. We’re inviting everyone cool; even Iron Man, Black Panther, and Thor have already RSVPed “yes” to the party. Deadpool is coming too! He’s bringing chimichangas (at least if he doesn’t eat them all beforehand).
We’re all about more the merrier (or scarier) and villains like Green Goblin, Thanos, and Loki will be there too. Still, the one guy we’re not excited to see at the party is...Venom. Ugh, Venom. He’s always that guy at the party. At last year’s Marvel Halloween party he ate everyone else’s candy, smashed all the pumpkins, and then kept using that weird tongue to cheat at bobbing for apples. We’ll invite him again because we’re all about inclusivity in the Marvel universe but... we recommend that if you’re having a Halloween party of your own, that you “lose” his invitation. Here’s why:
1) Drool Everywhere
Let’s be honest, if you invite Venom to your Halloween party he’ll probably just spend the whole time licking things.
We’ve talked to him about it, but he still insists on licking everything. It’s gross. He leaves drool on everything.
The alien symbiote claims that’s how he says hello on his planet, but we think he’s just doing it to be a jerk...
It’s bad enough having to clean up all those fake spiderwebs after the party, but cleaning drool off the windows is even worse.
2) Please Just Eat the Pretzels!
Venom refuses to eat the party snacks. He loves to go up to the other party-goers and say things like, “Eyes! Lungs! Pancreas! So many snacks, so little time!” Stop it, Venom. It was funny the first time and now we’re just tired of hearing it.
The snack table has delicious finger foods (no, it’s not real fingers), chips, and dips. Or, you can eat the “eyeballs” (or unpeeled grapes) in the haunted house section of the party...We’re just begging you not to eat anyone’s actual eyeballs.
3) Sore Loser...
Venom always throws a tantrum about the costume competition. He thinks that he and his host, Eddie Brock, should win every time.
They won the first year because — heck — what’s cooler than an alien symbiote as a costume? Still, they do the same costume every year! We get it; Eddie’s costume is pretty cool.
But, come on, someone else deserves a chance to win too. Hulk spent a lot of time on his Jolly Green Giant outfit this year!
4) We Are Venom
Venom is always doing that “We Are Venom” thing. He never wants to talk about anyone else! Every conversation is steered back to him and Eddie Brock. We get it, those guys are tight like that.
Instead of mingling with other guests, Venom is always just over there talking to himself and repeating, “We Are Venom” over and over again.
5) We Do What We Want
Venom never RSVPs. He always just shows up and he never brings a food dish to share. Then he says, “Oh I thought Eddie was going to RSVP” or “I thought the alien symbiote was going to make the pasta salad.” They use that excuse every year! Venom you can’t keep blaming the other person all the time!
Plus, they’re always accidentally punching people and then apologizing or just saying, “we can do whatever we want.”
The most annoying thing, though, is that Venom never cleans up after his mess! He smashes things, leaves drool everywhere, and then looks for the next cool “host “or party.
So, Venom might not be the best anti-hero to invite to this year’s Halloween party. But, we do know that — with Marvel’s new Venom film being released on October 5th, 2018 — he’s a pretty popular guy right now and you’ll probably still end up inviting him to your party.
It’s okay, we get it. Just make sure he follows a few ground rules first. Plus, makes sure he’s wearing a new Fifth Sun Venom movie tee, a classic Venom t-shirt, or a spooky Halloween shirt while you’re at it!